biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

shiddi:

why the hell are we still on this stupid website

not straight enough for facebook & too ugly for instagram

(via lostindaydreams-gemz)

acoolsuggestion:

boy: *is literally 1 year younger than me*
boy: *hits on me*
me: thanks…… but…. no thanks…. i’m old enough to be your mother……..

(via squarerice)

sailorbryant:

a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy:

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on. 

(via squarerice)

krisjener:

flirting like

(Source: shitboy96, via squarerice)